WIsh with a hole!

Its been a season of birthdays lately. Lots of people I know have grown a year older.

I’m this whiz at remembering birthdays. I rarely forget them, especially if the person matters to me. I dutifully call them as soon as I get up and wish them; sing a happy birthday sometimes. And If it’s a “mattering” person I buy them a gift. That’s quite a process, you know. My mom keeps saying the gift should be what the person likes, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I disagree. Strongly. I always look out for gifts that:
The person would like
I like
Fits my budget
Is not repetitive
Most often are unique.
Imagine giving your friend something you don’t like. Everytime I’d see it and go “Ewww”. And then realise that I’ve given that to her/him myself. And I generally make it a point to give something handmade too.

I’ve been thinking about this whole thing. I call up someone, wish them, get a “thank you” and have a put-on conversation about what the person is going to do, what he/she got as gifts…etc, etc… It all feels hollow.
Because, honestly…when I say “Happy Birthday”, I wonder if I really mean it. Do I really hope with my heart that the person has a happy day? Most often, its frustrating to find, I don’t.
It’s just a hollow utterance of words.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I do really mean it. And then I feel good. And selfless.

I’m working on it. Honestly. So next time its your birthday, and I wish you..be rested and assured, I’m saying it with all my heart!!

Who said there is a BFF?

People say that friends are family you choose. People also say that there is always one person in a family who always gives, and the others are so used to this, that they never learn to do so.

Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe I over react to situations.

I’ve always wanted this particular best friend. I have this image I’ve created of him/her in my mind with vivid details, right from the person’s dress sense to his/ her voice. I sometimes even try to imagine how that person would react to certain situations.
Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. Lots of people say that there is no ideal best friend.
I don’t believe that.
So whom am I kidding when I call someone who doesn’t fit into my mould my best friend? Worse still, I’ve put three people into that category. Three people who probably have a zero-point-five percent of the qualities, each.
No doubt, they’re great people. They’ve been there for me almost whenever I needed them. But I never got what I expected.
Then again, I shouldn’t expect anything out of friendship.
Honestly, is that possible? Can you carry on a relationship(s) without expectations?
I’ve always been the kind of friend I wanted to them three. I’ve always tried to understand them, make them my family, but it was never reciprocated.
Each time this happened, I only felt more and more miserable.
Perhaps this was because it was a quadrilateral relationship(!). Maybe I felt threatened and insecure by the others. I was always closer to one of them, I still am;- but she is the kind who does the right thing. She balances her relations with all equally. It is no wonder that I feel emotionally drained then. I’m getting much much lesser than I give.

I’ve learned to stop fantasising now. I just accept the friends I have. My ideal best friend is wiped off my mind.
My mind feels clean now. And I, much stronger. To bounce back and be the life in my group of friends. To be the butt of jokes and be the clown. And to be easily bugged, but the one you can surely count on.

To celebrate or not, that is the question!

We were all born one day on this earth. Yes, I know that’s an absolutely vague thing to say. But here’s more. It becomes a choice, beyond a point, that one makes whether or not to celebrate this existence. One could be very philosophical and mature and decide not to. After all, what’s to celebrate in growing a year older? Or, on the other hand you could splurge;- buy an expensive gift, eat out at a five star and treat your friends at a hep café. The other choices- dinner with family, call friends over, slumber parties, visits to orphanages, blah, blah and more blah. I mean, I’m not ridiculing any of these.
I ridicule other people.
Who say they don’t want to celebrate their birthday at all. Or worse still, have a show-off birthday party.
For example, if you are vegetarian, stick to your principles. Why serve non-vegetarian at your birthday bash? Its your birthday, so what if your friend are not vegetarians? They aren’t going to die of starvation or anything that one day.
The other kinds. The ones who say they don’t want to celebrate their birthday. Even their fifteenth. This could be because of three reasons. One, the person is too miserly to spend money for their own birthday. Two, the person is of such high maturity level that he/she should be considered an elevated soul (At fifteen!). Three, some grief has befallen the person.

I love to celebrate my birthday. Its bang in the middle of the exam season(I cant help that, can I?). It’s a special day for me. It makes me feel special in this huge world, where fame, money and power seem to be the only things that could get things to go your way.
But, at the end of the day, it’s a personal choice. I can do nothing about people who think differently.